i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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