I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
