Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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