All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
