I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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