just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
