why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
