i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
