Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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