so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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