Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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