and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
