i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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