He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
