I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
