He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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