Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
