And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
