Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize