If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
