my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
