you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
