I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
