dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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