I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
