If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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