Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
