how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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