it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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