Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
