Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
