i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
