There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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