Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
not ubering you a puppy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize