he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And then he peed in my hair
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