Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
