Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
