you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Boobs are out for the taking
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
