there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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