Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
