He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
