He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
