We're like a lot better than the average bears
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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