Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
