I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize