I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
