This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
