I bet he comes in French.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
