my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
