did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize