I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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