YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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