Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
