Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
