she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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