wat bout pragnant strippers??
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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