You smell like a Billy Joel song
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm always down for nudity.
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