my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
