he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
