Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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