New low: just hacked my moms facebook
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
