So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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