Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
