you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
